Writing for my humor new site

Hey, If you want your content to be original, creative, and unique then I can assure you the high quality work enriched with creativity. My research skills are highly commendable and writing is my passion. I am very much comfortable and well acquainted with UK and US English. I have successfully completed many projects assigned to me on different platform. The delivery on time with maintaining the high quality is my motto. Kindly consider me for this job, if you have any doubt over my quality please check out portfolio for my writing samples. Thanks

Hi, I have done my MBA in Marketing and worked for 6 years in McKinsy as a Marketing Strategy Consultant. I have written content for 50+ EBooks, 300+ websites, 1000+ Blogs, 200+ Whitepapers, 350+ Case Studies, 500+ Ad Campaigns & PR Articles. Give me the work and I will give you three guarantees: 1. I will Strictly adhere to the timeline otherwise don't pay me. 2. 100% original work and copyscape guaranteed. 3. I will start immediately so you don't need to wait even for minute. Since I have to build reputation on Freelancer, we are providing services at throw away prices. Let me know when to start. Thank you.

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I have vast experience in writing freelance content. I give quality, plagiarism free work that is well researched and as per your guidelines. My delivery is prompt within the required time span. I am exceptionally serious and dedicated about my job; therefore I will produce high quality projects to satisfy my clients. Please give me a chance and I guarantee nothing short of complete satisfaction.

Waaaaaazzzzz uppp! Okay I know what you thinking, this is highly unprofessional proposal, but you are wrong, it gets worse than that because working with me it's gonna be legen...wait for it...daaaaryyy. Will try to be professional now. Well, I'm extremely proficient in writing, proofreading editing, I'm creative person with extremely good working background and education, internet savvy, a tech freak and I have a dog(she can talk btw). I have exceptional skills, and knowledge when it comes to writing articles, on the other hand I'm a wordpress expert, coffee addicted and I have really really annoying neighbors(which is a good thing, I barely sleep and I can work overtime). Even if you don't feel like awarding me this project send me a pm so we can chat cos it's boring. Cheers