Funny things to say to telemarketers jobs
...experienced affiliate marketers specializing in high ticket to promote our new hit documentary, "The 40 Parables". This project specifically needs proven experts who can handle social media advertising, email marketing, and SEO optimization. AND HAVE SOME PROVEN TRACK RECORD Matthew 13:34 "All these things spake Jesus unto the multitude in parables; and without a parable spake he not unto them" Mark 4:34 "And without parables he was not speaking with them, but he expounded all things to his disciples privately" Mark 4:11 "And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the Kingdom of God: but unto them that are without, all these things are done in Parables" meet co-producers and ...
I need a strong video creator that is able to create a 90-second promotional video for my websites similar to the ones below. Please only bid if you have examples similar to the ones I have listed below. I like how the videos have shots of my website as well as b-roll footage. You must also use an AI voice for the voice over. I will not be providing the voice over only the script. 1. 2. 3. I have an account at and can provide you with any footage and music that you want to use from there. You must use a nice clear AI voice that sounds natural and not like an AI voice. I like the way the one sounds in the videos above. I will provide
I want to create a very simple Telegram bot. I just want to add some things, such as (the requirement to join the channel to activate the bot) and the main menu. I will pay only $10 for this bot because the work is very simple and will not take any time
We are seeking a skilled designer to create the perfect label template for our product line at TOPPNOTER.SE. The label will be used to wrap around bottles with a maximum width of 30 mm. The length of the label is flexible and can vary based on the design. Design Requirements: Label width: Maximum 30 mm White background with black color text Font: NEXALIGHT FONT (preferred), but open to different fonts that complement the design aesthetic Minimalist, modern design that conveys elegance and sophistication Incorporate the website name prominently Additional Guidelines: The text and layout should follow the specifications provided in the attached Excel print screen, detailing how the text should be arranged and what it should say. Ensure that all information pro...
...channel dedicated to exploring emerging and interesting technologies. Our goal is to stand out with content that captivates and educates by delving into the latest interesting technological advancements and innovations - from AI products, VR, to macro level tech changes. This role is perfect for someone who is deeply passionate about technology, stays abreast of tech trends, and possesses a witty and engaging writing style. You are always on twitter, product hunt, etc… and you get excited about cutting-edge developments. You will be paid on a per-project basis. Responsibilities: * Write engaging, informative, and creative scripts for shorts, maybe long-form YouTube videos, but mainly shorts scripts. Batch of scripts per month. How can we stand out from the o...
...stands out from the conventional "how to make money" narratives. This role is perfect for someone who is deeply passionate about finance, enjoys keeping up with financial news, witty, and is excited to help build a unique brand from the ground up. Responsibilities: * Write engaging, informative, and detailed scripts for long-form YouTube videos that resonate with and expand our audience. 4 videos/month. Stay up-to-date with the latest financial news and trends to incorporate the most viral-potential concepts. Brainstorm how to differentiate from current finance channels. Requirements: * Proven scriptwriting experience, writing for YouTube specifically. * Good understanding on how to “hook” a viewer in the first few second...
...looking for an experienced academic writer with a depth of knowledge in literature, particularly on Chinua Achebe's magnum opus "things fall apart". The ideal freelancer should: - Demonstrate a clear understanding of argumentative essays - Possess significant insight into Achebe's literature - Have strong research and analytical skills The task involves crafting an argumentative essay that incisively dissects the themes and characters in Achebe's seminal work. Please include references to support your argument where appropriate. It’s a 10 page paper that I need due on Tuesday! I have a draft of 4 pages already so I need someone to revise the 4 pages, title, and add on to what’s already written. I also have the sources p...
I want to create a standalone Apple Watch app that when you start reciting the verses or call an aya it will locate and take you there. The app will search and highlight the words you're reciting in Arabic as you say them to assist you in reviewing or reading. It should be activated via a Tap. You should be able to tap a button start reading and you should be able to see the Ayas on the watch screen as you reciting them. Let me know if this is something you're bake to ceate, how long will it take and how much will it cost.
...specialized logo designer for my Website as well as books to be published. The project involves the creation of a compelling and unique logo that reflects the essence of my brand and feels contemporary and adaptable across various digital and print platforms. The color scheme should relect professionalism and projecting confidence. It should evoke feelings of curiosity, discovery, and intellectual engagement. It should be scalable without losing its impact, whether displayed on our website, social media profiles, or promotional materials. The logo should be designed to be both big and small in size, ensuring its suitability for use across a range of formats, from website, banners to printed book covers. Things that would be helpful for you to know: - ...
...relevant projects delivered. *Also as part of the offer please provide comments to the 2 questions at the end of this description Linux Raspberry UDP network and serial communication component 1. Product to be done: a basic communication component handling low-volume, ca. 20-100-byte command messages with rather relaxed performance requirements. The messages will be coming on a non-regular basis from a few clients over a Wi-Fi local network, typically say 2 clients. There is no need to confirm the messages in either way. Consequently it seems that UDP is the right protocol to be used (to be confirmed by the contractor). 2. The server should also support its part of a detection mechanism that should allow the clients to automatically de...
I'm seeking a talented writer with a nutrition background to create a high protein recipe E-Book for my online training and nutrition coaching business based in Australia, Key project elements: - The book should be in PDF format. - It should include recipes with complete nutritional information, particularly macro breakdowns for each one. - Should include breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack options. - The ingredients should be Australian based- things that are sold in Australia Ideal Skills: - A strong understanding of nutrition, specifically macronutrients. - Experience in ebook writing and formatting, preferably with a focus on recipe or health books. - Ability to create engaging and informative content. - Precise, clear, and concise writing style. Please n...
I'm looking for a capable freelancer to develop an alert management system for Industrial Internet of Things (IIoT) using SCADA. The application's primary function is issuing immediate notifications to users via Email and SMS regarding various events: - Critical failure events - Alert events - Warning events Notifications should be dispatched using a policy and threshold value matching criteria with logic based on: - Event severity - Event priority - Event category These criteria will be employed for both email and SMS notifications. The chosen freelancer should have experience in SCADA systems, IIoT, and creating alert mechanisms. Expertise in managing event-triggered alerts based on customizable criteria will be highly advantageous. Mastery in user inte...
U...talented illustrator who can bring an engaging and humorous vision to life. I the photo of the car I uploaded performing some funny stunts – specifically, I want to see the car jumping a ramp with flames shooting out its back. This should strike the perfect balance between funny and impressive, crafted with a sense of light-hearted fun. USE THE PICTURE I UPLOADED INTO THIS! Although I have left some questions unanswered, I invite freelancers to use their creativity and propose different funny add-ons or elements to be incorporated with the base idea. Preferred freelancer skills & experiences: - Graphic design or illustration experience - Creative mind with a sense of humor - Understanding of visual aesthetics and balance ...
...maintaining explicitness. - Skilled in third-person narratives to provide a detailed and distanced perspective. - Capable of delivering the finished project ASAP due to a pressing timeframe. - Understanding of realistic balloon logistics, and size comparisons. The balloon is huge and Angel would be climbing on top of it and needing to grip and hold onto it. When punctured the balloon would rapidly deflate and wrap Angel inside of the airless fabric as it slowly crashes to the ground. Etc. - For visual clarity please refer to the below Youtube Link: (Search: " Batman trust scene", if not wanting to click link) - Search YT videos for Angel(KOF) to find her dialogue and be able to accurately portray her. Character accurac...
...BlueHost) goes down constantly. I've been informed the theme is outdated and likely prone to malware. In addition, when the site is up it is extremely slow and we need help with SEO optimization. I may need help on a few minor design additions as well. Seeking someone who can retain the fun and lively spirit of my blog on a more reliable and fast running theme. Also seeking to make the blog page easier to read. This is a relatively new blog with few pages and less than (10) blog posts. Tasks include: - New WordPress Theme Design: Opt for a colorful and lively design while being readable and easy to navigate. - SEO Optimization: Ensure that the redesign also improves the SEO performance of my blog to help me rank better in search results. ...
I'm looking for a graphic designer to assist with creating nursing-related designs for various products. These products include straw toppers, stickers, mugs, bags, socks, congratulation items/gift for graduating nursing school and etc. The primary goal for these designs is to create a UNIQUE, cohesive and appealing brand identity. Funny and out of the box ideas are welcomed :) Key Requirements: - Expertise in graphic design with a focus on creating visually appealing and cohesive designs - Experience in designing for physical products such as mugs, bags, and stickers - Understanding of nursing-related elements and themes - Ability to incorporate elements such as nurse hats, medical equipment, nursing quotes, symbols, and care scenes into the designs in a ...
...Flutter Developer to assist in creating a Baby Activity Logging App. # What to do Widgets: The app will need to contain two primary widgets: - Calendar View: This page will allow parents to track various baby activities, such as sleep, feeding, bath, and others. (this view has two variation. normal view / lock screen view) - Feedback: A simple page for user comments and feedback. This app is already wired with Isar and Hive. And all activity data type and register log view is all implemented. So what you need to do is almost in the presentation layer. Also we have past version of 'Home View' where user can do - view all last activity by date - register activity - edit activity So you can consult to or copy the existing copy for ...
I'm in need of a modern, attractive...T-shirt design for my church. The church should be centered around the theme “All Things New” On the back, by the collar of the shirt should be this text “ I will do a new thing. It’s happening now!” - Isaiah 43:19 Requirements: - Design should be modern in style. - It must include the phrase listed above. - Specific graphics or imagery should also be incorporated. I'm looking for a designer with a good understanding of contemporary design trends and a strong portfolio of T-shirt designs. You should also have experience in creating designs for business promotion. A great eye for color, composition, and typography is essential for this project. This design should be vibrant, fun, momentou...
...automation tasks like clicking, and I've been managing it with a script run through VS Code. Instead of manually writing code to identify button positions—which can be quite labor-intensive—I'm curious if an AI-driven tool like Open Interpreter could simplify the process. Specifically, I want to find out if Open Interpreter can generate and execute Python code from natural language commands. For example, I'd say "click a button under certain conditions," and Open Interpreter would create the necessary Python code to perform this action. Is anyone here familiar with Open Interpreter and its capabilities to handle such tasks? The idea is to use Open Interpreter to build the script, which I would then r...
...artist experienced in creating funny, cartoon-styled artwork for a series of meme coins. My preferences are as follows: - Style: I want the artwork's style to be cartoon-like. Someone with a keen eye for creating engaging, humorous cartoons would be ideal for this project. - Color Scheme: Please stick to warm colors such as reds, oranges, and yellows to portray the energetic and upbeat vibe I'm aiming for. - Mood: The overall tone should be humorous. The artwork should infuse an element of fun and should casually connect with the meme coin community. - Themes are: Politics Sports Cats This is a unique project; hence, prior experience in creating digital cartoons or digital assets, especially in the cryptocurrency world, will prove beneficial. ...
...little data entry from a remote 'll be interviewed and oriented on what to do by the way before resuming ideal candidate will have prior experience in recruitment or human resources, with knowledge of screening,interviewing, and hiring practices. Human Resources Manager/HR Recruiter Job Postings and Sourcing. Qualify, screen and interview candidates. Meet deadlines of hiring needs per month. Enhance company processes in Recruitment. Availability of stable internet connection to work remotely. Responsibilities: ● Recruiting ● On boarding ● Conduct interviews ● Administrative Support ● HR & Business Services Duties and Responsibilities: — Recruits, interviews, tests, and selects employees to fill vacant positions. — Interact with potential ...
I have an Android APP now I need UI design for the website (ALL PAGES) have same functionality of mobile app. Here is the list of things I need - • All features of mobile apps same (Homepage, Community, categories, Health log, Premium • Blog • Proper footer menu on page • Landing page for app download • Premium offers page (Subscription) • Support Section - Chat/Help bot, FAQ You can take a look at APP UI and features here - Logo I need a good design focus on ease of use and professional looks (Desktop/Mobile) both
I'm seeking a talented graphics designer to create a cartoonish style sticker of chicken Joe as a paratrooper for personal expression. Cartoonish, chicken strapped as an 82nd airborne army. The key requirements are: - Sticker design centered around personal expression - Cartoonish style artwork - Sticker must be medium-sized, between 5 and 10 cm Not much experienced, just make it funny and have fun with it. Need 40 stickers. Please send me your quote.
...project is to improve our React application so it looks professional and has a better overall UX. Below are some of the requirements and will be broken down into milestones. Everything below should work on Chrome, Edge, Firefox and Safari of windows desktop, iphone and android. Please test on those browsers and let me know if you are not able to test on both mobile devices. We need too complete bugs first followed by enhancements. Some of the styling items may require revisions. Milestones will be created Bugs: a. When there are no results, we need to display a message at the top that of the no results page that says "No results found". (you can test it with price, RAM and CPU Speed set to highest values) b. When we click on Show details, it shows...
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...3 main features. (MVP) Problem: I am always texting or emailing myself notes to remember throughout the day, articles to save, youtube videos to rewatch, information I get on a phone call, etc. I asked my instagram followers who else does this and realized a lot of people do. I threw together a landing page and started a waitlist + started taking preorders for a huge discount and already have collected money. I need an MVP that users can do 3 main things: *First Feature* - make an account - be provided with the twilio number I bought - be provided with an email address - Save the above phone number and email in their phone as contact "NoteHero" - text or email their note hero to have their notes go straight to their digital notebo...
...before bidding. In a frontend web design to be converted to PHP/HTML. This is a shipping website with one main function: A shipping calculator. Custom built, no API. Primary objective: 1) Customer chooses from country and to country (Very similar to this website's interface: ). 2) After the customer gets a rate from two couriers only (UPS and FedEx) and multiple shipping services, the customer provides more information about three things: A) The sender. B) The receiver. C) The package. Then a customer checks out using Paypal. Secondary objective but not as important or could done possibly at a later phase: 1) Package tracking which possibly needs an API. 2) Basic signup and sign-in menu similar to this of ( - Check it). Which the
My main focus is to make a cool team logo. I am seeking a modern redesign that can improve it. Things to note: - The design needs to be contemporary, reflective of the modern style. - Vibrant color palette is a must, to impart energy and freshness to the logo. - High resolution and clear image. The ideal freelancer should be proficient to create modern designs, and have an eye for color coordination.
...user, restaurant, and rdriver panels to ensure optimal performance and compatibility with modern web standards. • complete revamp the whole website • Livewire Removal: As requested, I will carefully remove Livewire components from your website to streamline operations. • File Optimization: I will conduct a thorough review of the website's files, removing any that are unnecessary and reorganizing the structure for logical access and maintenance. • Focus on Delivery: I will ensure that all features and functionalities not related to the delivery aspect of the website are removed, aligning with my vision for a delivery-only service. • Version Upgrade: I will update your website from the current version to the latest one, ensuring...
I have a script that clicks to like users on badoo. The script is not working correctly because it has the wrong XPATHs to the element that need to be clicked. It should also click the close/next button for the 3 cases where things pop up during swiping (see the screenshots). Basically, all you need to do is find the 4 correct xpaths and run the python script to verify it's clicking correctly. You MUST be an experienced Python programmer with Selenium web automation experience (Selenium, XPATH). Do NOT apply if you do not have this kind of experience - I don't care if you're a "quick learner", you must have this experience or I will not consider you. This whole task should not take more than 2-3 hours for an experienced ...
Namaste Looking for a talented freelance video editor to collaborate on an exciting project centered around the renowned Tata Group in India. This ongoing opportunity entails creating engaging and informative 6-8 minute videos, incorporating provided content and audio while adding dynamic 2D animations and curated video clips from sources like YouTube to enrich the storytelling experience. The ideal candidate should have a keen eye for detail, proficient skills in video editing software, and a creative flair for seamlessly integrating visuals with narration. Previous experience in crafting educational or documentary-style content would be advantageous. Each video will delve into different aspects of Tata Group's multifaceted journey, echoing the informative and visual...
...Devs don't like to document things (I kept asking...) so need to force the matter and have someone just do it! The focus is on what is not obvious. e.g. The footer has a "join newsletter button", but where do you edit that and how does it integrate with the CRM? (And if there is custom shortcode where is that written) I need someone who knows Wordpress and to write simple documentation in a Google Doc (for me/devs- You don't need to explain how to copy/paste! ;)). This is not hardcore stuff, it's spending time on my site (I can tell you obvious things), seeing what needs to be explained (asking questions) and then writing the shortest explanation possible with screenshots so any dev (or me!) will know h...
...enhancement to take my platform to the next level. Here's an overview of what I'm looking for: The ultimate goal of this initiative is to boost sales. Therefore, I'm looking for someone who can make these enhancements in a way that ensures a significant increase in conversion rates and overall sales volume. Ideal candidates should have a strong background in e-commerce and digital marketing, with a deep understanding of user interface design, payment systems, product recommendation algorithms, and social media integration. Experience in managing Google Business profiles, reviews, and creating effective marketing campaigns is highly desirable. The ability to understand and deliver on the main goal of this project - increasing sales - is crit...
I'm looking for an experienced script writer to create a funny, engaging text for a promotional video. The video is aimed at individuals who have yard work to do (snow blowing, lawn mowing, leaf blowing). It should be something that resonates with their experience and brings a smile to their face. Key requirements: - Experience in writing scripts for promotional videos - Ability to create humorous content - Understanding of the target audience, particularly people involved in yard work Please share previous projects or examples that demonstrate your skills in creating engaging, funny video scripts. The product we are promoting is called Yarbo - 3-in-1 multi-function yard robot. It's fully autonomous and can be controlled remotely.
...looking for a voiceover artist to read a text message aloud in a casual tone. The accent should be subtly Slovak, not too strong and the recording should take less than a minute. The purpose is not for a greeting message, a video, or a phone system prompt, simply for reading a written text. The ideal candidate will have: - Experience with voice acting - Ability to provide a subtle Slovak/Russian accent yet only subtle still a English voice - Ability to capture a casual tone in their delivery - Capability to deliver the work quickly. Script: Hi Dylan how are you, sorry did not get back to you last night been in meetings all day.. I was supposed to have money by today it’s around 12.6M aed … 3.5m dollar but my guy that’s supp...
...promotion. Considering this, the main tasks will include: - Cutting, merging, and editing video footage - Adding effects and transitions to improve engagement - Specifically working with text overlays on video -Adding Short Funny Video fillers Ideal experts for this job will have significant experience in promotional video editing, combine Educational with Entertainment and Inspirational bits, proficiency in text overlay techniques, and a keen eye for what type of visual editing increases engagement in a corporate context. A Detailed Script will be provided with the raw video. A deep understanding of branding is beneficial. This task will require you to enhance our brand's image through engaging and professional video content. I need 4 you tube videos per ...
I'm seeking a talented writer with a nutrition background to create a high protein recipe E-Book for my online training and nutrition coaching business based in Australia, Key project elements: - The book should be in PDF format. - It should include recipes with complete nutritional information, particularly macro breakdowns for each one. - Should include breakfast, lunch, dinner and snack options. - The ingredients should be Australian based- things that are sold in Australia Ideal Skills: - A strong understanding of nutrition, specifically macronutrients. - Experience in ebook writing and formatting, preferably with a focus on recipe or health books. - Ability to create engaging and informative content. - Precise, clear, and concise writing style. Please n...
I am looking for a programmer that can work with UniSwap API. Connecting Volt Metamsk to UniSwap. Work with the swap section. Working with Pooling Liquidity. I should be able to do things like Creating a Pooling Liquidity Removal of a Pooling Liquidity And.... to do. If you have any questions, please ask
This voice search capability should cover the whole Quran. The primary function of the app will be searching for verses in the Quran utilising voice commands, highlight the words you're reciting in Arabic as you say them to assist you in reviewing or reading. It's a standalone Apple Watch app. It should be activated via a Tap. You should be able ta to tap a button start reading and you should be able to see the Ayas on the watch screen as you reciting them. Please see a sample attached. Basically it should do the exact same thing but on the Watch. Key Requirements: - Voice search functionality specifically designed for the Quran - Covers the whole Quran, not just specific Surahs or Ayahs - Highlight the words you're reciting as you're r...
...the rest of the Alphabet (which can be hard coded). I also need a specific function made in the page that allows me to say IF somevariable = current displayed letter, then move to next. Basically, the function would help me create a way to automatically change the letter to the next letter IF some condition exists, which I will handle myself and assign to the variable you create. IF $somevariable = $current_letter THEN move to next letter I would like you to use auto-layout, so I can import this into the App I want to and use it for iPhones or iPads. I'm using XCode 15.3, so I need to be able to run the App in that. Thanks! And, I need this asap. Then I need you to show some images/layers IF...
We are a startup that is training AI algorithms for military use. ...says danger, intelligence, sophistication, and cool. As the person in charge of the logo, I've decided that I'd like a dark red on gunmetal grey color scheme, with black and white as additional colors for things like text. We are all gamers, so we're kind of going for a vibe like the corpos from Cyberpunk 2077. I've drawn an idea that crossed my mind and attached it. I am a very bad artist and drew this very quickly in Paint, but I hope the professional artists out there can see the idea that I was going for. However, if you have your own ideas that fit the description above, don't hesitate to share them! We are programmers and engineers, not artists. We will pay well for good work...
I'm looking for a creative photo editor who can artistically place our pets into formal attire - think tuxes, dresses or any other interesting ideas you m...as photo-realistic as possible. I don't want an abstract or cartoon aesthetic. - I'd prefer if the outfits are varied – some adding tuxedos, some incorporating dresses, and some according to your artistic vision. The ideal candidate should have: - Extensive experience in photo editing - A creative mind for dressing up pets in funny yet stylish ways - Ability to produce photo-realistic edits - Good reviews of similar projects You don't have to be a pet lover to take this project, but it would definitely be a plus! Your proposal should include links to similar works y...
Stepping Back Through Data I have a table of orders, lets say. I'm trying to find all the "Completed" orders, and then step back through other "Cancelled" orders for the same Customer, that were created within 72 hours. The trick is, I want to keep stepping back until I don't find anymore orders (the 72 hour window will now be based on the last order found). Also, the logic should stop if it finds another "Completed" order for the same customer. I've included a test table and data, as well as an expected output. CREATE TABLE #Order ( OrderID int, CustomerID int, OrderDate datetime, OrderStatus varchar(25) ) INSERT INTO #Order VALUES (1, 1, '02/15/2024 07:00 AM', 'Cancel...
I need video editor ,instagram video editor, reels editor,funny politics roast video editor.
I'm in need of a talented cartoonist who can create vibrant, funny and exaggerated caricatures in a traditional, hand-drawn style for my corporate events. Key requirements: - **Caricature Style**: The primary requirement is that your caricatures should be 'Cartoonish' in nature. It's essential that you can deliver a style that is humorous, quirky, and suitable for a light-hearted atmosphere. - **Purpose**: The caricatures will be used for an engagement party, so they should be appropriate for a professional setting but can lean into certain inappropriateness for humour purposes. - **Format**: I am looking for the caricatures in physical form, not digital. You'll need to create them on paper or other suitable medium so they can be handed out and tak...
...talented software engineer to construct a minimalist portfolio website for me on a custom domain. I believe the minimalist design will promote simplicity and emphasise my portfolio itself rather than the design aspects of the site. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Proven experience in website creation on custom domains - A strong understanding and appreciation for minimalist design principles - Ability to bring concepts to life, balancing both functionality and aesthetics The final product should be a clean, sleek, and easy-to-navigate website, reflecting the minimalistic style while providing exceptional user experience. My expectation is for a thorough, detailed-oriented professional who can capture my vision and translate it into a fully functional portfol...
I need you to fix couple things on my website - push notification message keeps popping up - tiktok login ( create account ) - tournament section needs timer - added credits redeem code popup message auto. Dissapear after 2 sec. - when landscape game icons needs to appear in middle of the screen.
...website that focuses on all things dog-related. I am in need of a unique, eye-catching logo for my business, which is named DoggyDo. Key Requirements: - I am looking for a vivid and impactful logo that predominantly features the color green. - The logo should be cartoonish in style. - The design should express the activities of dogs, specifically playing, running, and jumping. It would be very interesting to have these actions incorporated in the shape of the two 'D's in 'DoggyDo'. Ideal Skills and Experience: - Strong background in graphic design, particularly in creating logos. - Experience in designing cartoonish and vividly colored logos. - A good understanding of dog behavior and activities to accurately depict playing, running, and jumpi...
My primary concern with our current SEO blogs is rampant misspelling. This error predominantly appears within the body of the posts, which brings about a negative image for the company. I want all the blogs about our company created by the seo hire taken down. Her work has made us look so bad. At the time I didn't know of these things now we are finding they are all over Google first searches and just need taken down
