comdey writer

Wanted: a clever comedy to write clever/intelligent penis/dick jokes to accompany a cartoon character. I have around 40-50 situational characters drawn that can be used to draw inspiration from or attach writing to, but can also draw more to suit the writing. Ideally the writing should be topical one-liners relating to male sexuality, but can tie in world events if appropriate. Good English is essential and good cultural understanding of sexuality is also important. The writing should be clever and intelligent and funny - not bottom of the barrel, but clever gutter humour is good. Also; should not be sexist or homophobic - the humour is not to be specifically directed at straight or gay people. A male writer would be preferable; who has a sense humour regarding his appendage. The writing is to be used as subtext to a weekly cartoon on a mens sexual health website. But do not want to beat people over the head with sexual health - it's more of a standalone accompaniment to the rest of the site. and in the Australian vernacular - should be 'piss-funny'! No idea of how many I need, it's based on who is writing and how good the writing is. I've no idea of budget so I'm willing to get some bids to see what it's worth.