Post a Contest

Improve a 4 sentence pitch

Status: Closed
Prize: $10
Entries Received: 3
Winner: petermainah

Winner

Contest Brief

I need someone to improve the pitch I have written using the Napkin Business Canvas framework. The details about this canvas can be found here: https://hackernoon.com/the-napkin-business-canvas-9b019550ae3.

I have it written completely, 11 lines long (short)

I would like to:
- Make it sound more impactful
- Add an emotional aspect to it as well (if possible)
- Make it concise
- Reframe / Improve the sentences.

I will use it to do a 40-50 second voice over recording. So it needs to be within that time frame. The pitch is basically just describing a product and what it does.

I have added the necessary things you will need about the section "who want to" and "to" in the paragraph below in the same file. And these are the two main sections that need more attention.

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Winner

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Employer Feedback

“Good communication, fast work. ”

thirteenthgr, Canada.

Top entries from this contest

dhanidarmawan Indonesia

0

Public Clarification Board

dhanidarmawan
- 2 years ago
In my project, I did some revisions, edited a few sentences from the previous one that might corner the other party as a competitor in your product
I hope the project that I show in this contest can be your choice.
and with a short tone of speech may be conveyed in speech that takes between 40-50 seconds
- 2 years ago
petermainah
- 2 years ago
See my submission #1 #increaseprize
- 2 years ago